CasT_Ntghost
05-03-2008, 06:07 PM
> > This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record when his wife
> > sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head
> > with a frying pan.
> > "Whit wis that fur?" he cries.
> > "That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser
> > pockets with the
> > name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.
> > "Dinnae be daft," he explains, "two weeks ago
> > when I went to the
> > races Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses
> > I bet on."
> > She seems satisfied and apologises, and goes off
> > to do work
> > around the house.
> > Three days later he's again sitting in his chair
> > reading when she
> > nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him
> > out cold.
> > When he comes around, he says, "whit the hell wis
> > that fur?"
> > "Your horse phoned!" she said.
> >
> > .................................................. ..................
> >
> > ....................
> > A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met
> > before find
> > themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a
> > train,
> > After the initial embarrassment, they both manage
> > to get to
> > sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the
> > lower.
> > In the middle of the night, the woman leans over
> > and says,
> > "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I
> > was wondering if
> > you could possibly pass me another blanket."
> > The man leans out and with a glint in his eye,
> > says,
> > "I've got a better idea, let's kid-on we're
> > married.
> > The woman giggles and says, "Why not".
> > "Good", he replies. "Get your own ' blanket!"
> >
> > .................................................. ..................
> >
> > ............................
> > A Glesga woman from Glasgow's west-end was
> > staying in a hotel in
> > Edinburgh, she phoned room service for some
> > pepper.
> > "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the
> > concierge.
> > "Toilet pepper! You bloody eejit"
> >
> > .................................................. ..................
> >
> > .......................................
> > A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells
> > his mother
> > he's been given a part in the school play.
> > "Wonderful. Whit part is it?" she asks.
> > The boy says, "I play the part of the Scottish
> > husband." The
> > mother scowls and says, "Go back an' tell that
> > teacher you want a speaking part!"
> >
> > ........................
> > One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the
> > story of the
> > Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the
> > part of the
> > story where the first pig was trying to
> > accumulate the
> > building materials for his home.
> > She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man
> > with the
> > wheelbarrow full of straw and said, Pardon me
> > sir, but may I
> > The teacher paused then asked the class, "And
> > what do you
> > think that man said?"
> > One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think
> > he said
> > omagoad! A talkin' pig!'"
> >
> > .................................................. ..................
> >
> > .............................................
> > A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the
> > doctor's examining
> > room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
> > The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked
> > his weight,
> > found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the
> > baby was breast fed
> > or bottle fed.
> > "Breast fed," she replied.
> > Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor
> > ordered.
> > She did.
> > He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched
> > both breasts
> > for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
> > Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No
> > wonder this baby
> > is under weight. You don't have any milk !"
> > I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad
> > I came!
> > sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head
> > with a frying pan.
> > "Whit wis that fur?" he cries.
> > "That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser
> > pockets with the
> > name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.
> > "Dinnae be daft," he explains, "two weeks ago
> > when I went to the
> > races Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses
> > I bet on."
> > She seems satisfied and apologises, and goes off
> > to do work
> > around the house.
> > Three days later he's again sitting in his chair
> > reading when she
> > nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him
> > out cold.
> > When he comes around, he says, "whit the hell wis
> > that fur?"
> > "Your horse phoned!" she said.
> >
> > .................................................. ..................
> >
> > ....................
> > A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met
> > before find
> > themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a
> > train,
> > After the initial embarrassment, they both manage
> > to get to
> > sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the
> > lower.
> > In the middle of the night, the woman leans over
> > and says,
> > "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I
> > was wondering if
> > you could possibly pass me another blanket."
> > The man leans out and with a glint in his eye,
> > says,
> > "I've got a better idea, let's kid-on we're
> > married.
> > The woman giggles and says, "Why not".
> > "Good", he replies. "Get your own ' blanket!"
> >
> > .................................................. ..................
> >
> > ............................
> > A Glesga woman from Glasgow's west-end was
> > staying in a hotel in
> > Edinburgh, she phoned room service for some
> > pepper.
> > "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the
> > concierge.
> > "Toilet pepper! You bloody eejit"
> >
> > .................................................. ..................
> >
> > .......................................
> > A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells
> > his mother
> > he's been given a part in the school play.
> > "Wonderful. Whit part is it?" she asks.
> > The boy says, "I play the part of the Scottish
> > husband." The
> > mother scowls and says, "Go back an' tell that
> > teacher you want a speaking part!"
> >
> > ........................
> > One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the
> > story of the
> > Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the
> > part of the
> > story where the first pig was trying to
> > accumulate the
> > building materials for his home.
> > She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man
> > with the
> > wheelbarrow full of straw and said, Pardon me
> > sir, but may I
> > The teacher paused then asked the class, "And
> > what do you
> > think that man said?"
> > One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think
> > he said
> > omagoad! A talkin' pig!'"
> >
> > .................................................. ..................
> >
> > .............................................
> > A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the
> > doctor's examining
> > room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
> > The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked
> > his weight,
> > found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the
> > baby was breast fed
> > or bottle fed.
> > "Breast fed," she replied.
> > Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor
> > ordered.
> > She did.
> > He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched
> > both breasts
> > for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
> > Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No
> > wonder this baby
> > is under weight. You don't have any milk !"
> > I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad
> > I came!